i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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