hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
