Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
