i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
