I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
