Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
