remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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