Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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