If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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