wakey wakey hands off snakey
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
