My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
