dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My penis needs a shock collar
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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