I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
