last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
