Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
