the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
