ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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