so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
