you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
