It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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