She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
