my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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