I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
