Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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