There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
one might say we're banned from that church
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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