oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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