I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
