Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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