I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize