I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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