Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
