I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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