I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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