So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
