When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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