Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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