If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
