mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
