he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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