sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
