Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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