So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
