bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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