i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
