i just sent this text using only my big toe
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
