I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
