I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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