Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
