I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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