I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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