i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Houston, we have a blender
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
