i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When are your genitals available?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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