does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
