Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
