Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
