i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i now understand why vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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