spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
