dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
