All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
