Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
