Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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