I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
