I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
