Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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