also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
jump out the window naked night went bad
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
