Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
