I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
