i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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