party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
