It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
