true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
