just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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