i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
