I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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