I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
