I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
