now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
