I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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