he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
